JANUARY SPILL

I am venturing out into the world of submissions, which means many rejections, but I recently pitched to Sonshine Magazine, a magazine about raising boys, and got my first paid writing gig. I wanted to share this with you all here, because many of you have been following me since Motherlore began and I am so glad to have you. The warm reception for the magazine and the small income each sale brings me has meant I can remain flexible work-wise and allowed me to slowly make more space for my own writing. Every sale and subscriber has encouraged me to continue.

I feel a bit like a fraud though. I encourage others to experiment with form, share “unfinished” work, subvert – until the voices of mothers and carers are not seen as niche, but as both prima materia and medium, both the very beginning of life and breathing oracles that reach into the future long after death. Yet I have been editing around 20 poems for a year or so now and each time I let one out, submit one to somewhere, it comes back to me, rejected and dejected – it wasn't ready, I let it go too soon, sometimes I’ve already made big changes to it before I hear back, don't know if I even want it to be accepted in its previous form. I can't get a grasp on the fact that poetry, and writing in general, is a breathing thing – is alive – a shapeshifter like me.

I’ve always curated myself, wondering if I will ever reach a point when I will know who I really am, know where I belong, stop trying to be a different version of myself. And I have always liked proofreading because I know the rules, know how to tidy up a line, a sentence. Text is so malleable. A slight punctuation or word change can unquestionably improve a sentence. The perfectionist in me is rewarded when editing, while the rest of the time I have to remain in our imperfect world, where discomfort and mess exist and there's no undo button, no slight emotional “punctuation change” that can rewrite trauma or neaten out life.

I'm stepping out of my comfort zone with the make•shift zine. Until I start making it I won't know what it's going to look like. This isn’t usually how I do things. I like to be in control and have a plan.

It feels like a full-circle moment because Motherlore was an idea I had during a perinatal group actually called Comfort Zone (where I met Daisy Thomas Stone) which led me back to myself by offering a safe, comfortable place in which to explore identity and matrescence. But now – a pattern also visible in my personal life in my recent separation from my ex – I can no longer remain in the familiar just because it feels safer than newness.

I used to enjoy being mysterious, to adapt to whoever I was with, to be the observer not the leader. Well, I still do, but I am trying to show up here and offline in an imperfect state, to accept my shapeshifting nature, and the shapeshifting nature of the day – passing between the co-worker, the mother, the person I am when I am alone – and the constellation of the co-parenting week – half of it alone, half alone with the kids. I have to reframe these extremes – my divorce, the splitting of the self as a mother too – as expansion if I am to come to terms with it all. And creating something beautiful with my hands out of other mothers’ and carers’ work – gathering, holding, weaving, releasing – is a step towards that for me, a becoming, an outbreath, a summons.

(I always encourage others to have a nice, dedicated space to write in, but will I ever actually write at this desk?)

𓍯

Following up on my recent call for submissions (see below for the call post), I thought I’d do some FAQs:

Can you recommend books to explore on this theme?

Ember & Entwined by Sarah Shotts (they/them)

My Work by Olga Ravn

Ongoingness by Sarah Manguso

Little Labours by Rivka Galchen

Milk Report by Conway & Young

Eye Mama Project

Artwork by Ellie Shipman, Eva-Živa Blažková, Emma Talbot… (more ideas to come in a dedicated upcoming post, I track books but not artists I engage with, so I need to delve into my Instagram for this!)

𓍯

Will the zine be in black and white?

No! This time it will be in colour.

𓍯

Do contributors receive a fee or physical/digital copy?

No, they will receive a free 3-month paid subscription to my Substack (if you are already a paid subscriber you will still benefit from this).

𓍯

Where do I submit to?

motherloremagazine@gmail.com but please check the guidelines on the post below before submitting!

𓍯

Will there be a digital copy?

Not this time, we’re going lo-fi, old-school. There will be unlimited physical copies to purchase.

𓍯

MOTHER/CARE/WRITE

🀦 Fictionalizing Family Archives // Jan 24th, 2pm EST, $52+

🀦 MER call for submissions on Motherhood Noise & Silence // deadline Feb 1st

🀦 Mother Zine call for submissions // deadline Feb 13th

🀦 Writing motherhood with Erica Hesketh // May 19th, 11:00AM-12:30PM BST, £20+

🀦 MOTHER/CARE/WRITE // full directory of regular courses

𓍊𓋼𓍊

If you’re a recent paid subscriber, you can access previous posts to see other course and event suggestions, usually at the bottom of each post or as its own MOTHER/CARE/WRITE post x